D/s and sex

Someone asked me, do I have sex with my subs. I gave him my short answer which was, It depends on the dynamic, the energy exchange between us.

I know there are at least a couple forms of D/s relationships. You have the ones that include sex. Ones that don’t. I can easily understand and see both. For me personally, I don’t have in general a hard and fast rule on it. I play this by ear. I’ve been in situations where some elements were good and fun. (Examples: service, impact play) But no desire for anything sexual, be it giving or receiving. Then there are the times after a good session, the sexual energy is flowing with both of us. We are feeding off each other. Oh yes, bring it on!  I’m fine though, either way. If I’m not feeling it with my sub, no problem. It’s not like I’m lacking for sex. I’m rather happy in that department. I do get plenty at home.

One thing I can say for certain, when it comes to new or potential subs, I do have rules. If we have just started chatting and I’m asked about sex, especially early in conversations, I will not give you a definite answer or if I do, I’ll tell you not to expect it. (and I do mean that.) That kind of talking early on will have me thinking the knowledge you have of any kind of BDSM or D/s is through kinky porn you’ve been watching and not actually doing in real life. While strap on sex is or can be a component of D/s or BDSM as a whole, it is not a huge one and one of many other components. And the others take priority.  And while oral sex is great, it is not the general definition of being in “service”.

On our first meeting, there will be no sex of any kind. No matter how appealing and desirable you may try to make the offer or plea. It will also be unlikely on the second meeting. Don’t get wrong. I love sex as much as the next person, maybe sometimes more so. But as I’ve stated above, This is not (all) about sex for me. If a sexual element developes in the relationship, fine. That option is there. If not, I don’t want someone who will get bent out of shape over it.

What I’m saying is, I’m open to the possibility of having another sub, (note: I said adding NOT replacing the one I have now.) If you are sub looking for a Domme for only the sexually related aspects, don’t waste yours or my time. I’m not the Domme you are looking for.