A New Life

At the beginning of this week I felt like I was starting to come out of a fog, everyone I have talked to that has been divorced has said the same thing give yourself time and everyone is different. And I kept thinking well there is that and how about lets also add in all these submissive feelings that have been coming up, sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy, when I brought this up to my dominant friend she said what I am going through is normal.  Sometimes some of feelings when they come up it is like a drug and all I can think of is Goddess and how I wish to serve her, she becomes my whole focus and then afterwards I feel drained and depressed. One thing that keeps coming up is I need to make sure I am eating,  sleeping, exercising and meditating.

I started taking some more action to find out all the areas of my life that will be affected by the divorce and I started letting a few people know that things have changed in my life. As I did I started feeling a wonderful sense of freedom, I get to find out who I am what my submissiveness means to me and I can start making new friends and get their perspective on how they see themselves living The Lifestyle.

I look at my friend, lol, I call her Goddess, she allows be to be me, what a wonderful freedom and friend to have. She once told me she will always see me as submissive and I know I will always see her as Goddess, we are good friends. She is a true dominant and I respect her, she told me in the beginning she was but a guide and the willingness must be mine and true honesty is spoken by ones actions. Well she gets to watch my feet and see how honest I am.

I get to create a whole new life.  ~LOL~

I have a new relationship to explore the one I am having with myself.

I am not even counting the days until my banishment is over and we can talk again, I have come to terms with guilt I felt and I know this time apart needed to happen for other reasons.

BSDM is a stepping stone, the door opens through love and connection through serving. I’m rambling, my meditations have been very interesting. I found the gift in service elsewhere and now I see it here; honesty, willingness, trust, surrender, being open… beautiful gifts of the soul. We surrender to each other, we serve each other, Goddess and slave and we find the Infinite beyond.