It hasn’t been very long yet in my serious search for a sub, but I feel like I’ve already gone through a huge number of frogs. Does a prince sub even exist? I’m not really looking for or expecting a prince. What I want is not a “do me” who’s sole purpose in finding a Domme is to fulfill their kinky sex fantasies. I want Someone who communicates with the big head, not the small one. When I ask questions, don’t come back with only a line or two. I want someone I can sadistically abuse a little. I want someone who will cater to me and I can use…..yes, even sexually BUT only I after I’ve known the person a bit and not have that as an opener to our communications. That will turn me off real fast. However a turn on would be intelligence. I do respond well to someone who pays attention to what I write and say. Someone who has given time, thought and brains in their exchanges to me is good thing.
There has been one person I’ve had good chat and email exchanges with. The funny thing is though, around the time I mentioned in a post here about wanting to keep any connections I make local, that I didn’t want to do another long distance relationship, I get a message.
The message is from a person who listed himself as living in Toronto. Our interactions are wonderful. We exchange thoughts and ideas. He hasn’t been long in D/s. He has sissy tendencies. He asks me questions and wants my opinion on things of these natures. We just seem to have a good rapport. There is one fly in the ointment.
A couple exchanges in, I find out he is not in Toronto. He is abroad for business. He is a consultant and doesn’t know when he”l be back. He says it depends on what happens with his projects. He’s not able yet to tell me what they are (so he says)
All through our exchanges, he has communicated to me as me being a Domme, him a sub. I have not taken on being his Domme. One I thing I believe is a D/s relationship should not be if there hasn’t been an official offer or request. It’s the respectful thing for both parties involved. Plus, I really dislike purely on line D/s. It’s not real to me and there are elements missing in this dynamic.
I’m not putting any hopes on this becoming anything. Especially when it is unknown when or if this person will come back to Toronto. I am still in search mode. When I get discouraged though, I now have Mr. Non Toronto to remind me that there is still hope. That there is someone out there who is not a bone head.
So……….
…………..There’s one little difference between a contracted work with Ellora’s Cave and that of other eBook publishers I have seen. They require a contract binding your project for the lifetime of the work. I assume that THAT is different from lifetime of the contract.
I would really like to send them my tale, BOUND: A POST-APOCALYPTIC LUST STORY (the title I decided on after much deliberation for the tale of my jungle huntress, Ana, and her first interracial adventure).
I am in the process of writing a shiny synopsis for Ellora’s Cave to try and win their approval/capture and hold their attention…
…given that I have NO intention of having Ana’s interracial erotica/BDSM tale end after the first encounter with her hero, if EC is interested in publishing her, I will have to find a way to ensure that her background story as a fictional character is fair game in the next installment…
…Now is Ellora’s Cave going to be interested in my dear sweet Ana and her adventures in her jungle home? I am really looking forward to hearing their opinion on thist project…
So I haven’t really updated this blog in forever except for using it as a way to send steamy pictures to some good friends, so I thought I’d outline a couple of scenarios that really turn me on.
This particular fantasy came from a weekend of online play with one of my playmates other then Ada in which she said she wanted to drain me dry. That phrase stuck in my mind, and I crafted this scenario out of it.
I’m tied to an alter or table or such. There are women all around me, the first one mounts me and rides me until I come. I may be drugged to be it up faster, then the next women mounts me, and again and again, going back to the first women if they all take me, until I cannot come anymore , I have been drained dry.
So yeah, just a short post, but well, I thought it was hot.
There are many reasons for the sense of unease that floods in once the euphoria of handing over another level of control or exploring something new has worn off. I am very sensitive to mood shifts, so a high automatically comes with a corresponding low. We can usually plan ahead for these and do what we can to mitigate it. Other times it’s due to the childhood mindfucks I received, and all I can do is let go and let my Master catch me. Last night, we were able to articulate the last source of unease.
When we started this journey six months ago, it was under my suggestion. My husband is the best Master I could ever ask for, but it is not a role that comes naturally to him and he’s fighting a tremendous amount of societal conditioning to be the Master I need and he wants to be. We move very slowly, especially since he crossed a line which was actually harder on him than it was on me. As a consequence, each new step into BDSM requires me topping from the bottom.
I am a sub who is rapidly realizing that she is more slave than anything. Directing my Master to do things to me or to speak to me in a specific way is unsettling. We can kind of ignore the fact that I’m pulling the strings by phrasing things in a certain way, but we both know what’s really happening. This does cause a bit of distress for me and makes me question if I’m pushing him into things; that he is dominating me because it’s what I want/need, not because it matches up with his own desires. Nothing could be further from the truth – each new level of play awakens more desires in my Master and once he finds where the edges are he comes into his own (does he ever come into his own *swoon*).
Many times we are thinking the same thing but I’m reluctant to say/ask for it being in sub-mode and he’s reluctant for fear of crossing a line. He was fucking my throat the other night and while I was happily being choked by his cock in my mouth, all I could think about was being his cum bucket (a sentiment the me of six months ago would have cringed at in disgust). I wanted to hear him call me that as he was praising me for the throat fucking. To hear my Master croon, “Are you so greedy for my cock, little girl? Do you want to be my cum bucket so badly?” as he caressed my cheek would have pushed me over the edge with delight. Even now I’m shivering just thinking about it. With some difficulty, I told him of this desire last night and he confessed that he wanted to do it in the moment as well but was afraid of crossing a line.
We are in the process of remapping my limits. In the beginning, I wanted no part in being objectified. Now, I practically beg him to call me his fuck toy, his pet. Begging was something I was sort of meh about – now I feel like its the hottest thing he can require of me. Orgasm denial? Never in a million years. Now I’m into my second day and am loving every minute of it. Being choked by his cock and cum? He cannot use me in the fashion enough – the joy and pride I feel at making him cum like this is incredible.
I’m thinking that it shouldn’t be too long before I can retreat back to the fuck toy I so long to be and he can just be my Master. I am a lucky girl, indeed.
As I circled the drive slowly, I smiled, saying, “I see you now, I’m right here,” and finally flipped my phone shut. She was nearly hopping in her driveway as she saw me wind around other parked cars before finally pulling into the nearest open visitor space.
She rushed to my door as I began to open it.
“I can’t believe you’re finally here!” she exclaimed, eyes sparkling almost as brightly as her smile.
“Hello sweetie,” I said, happily realizing that I could finally speak those words in person. She looked nearly as I expected her to look, but there was something about her that no picture could ever have captured in an image. I was immediately comfortable.
She made me feel important. I was excited to finally be with her. We had been talking on the phone and chatting on line for over a month regularly, whenever possible. And now we were finally together face to face. She made me feel like royalty as she welcomed me.
It was natural for her to act that way. Before I ever decided to meet her at her condo, I had already established with her what kind of relationship this was going to be — the only kind I would accept. And back when I began to reveal these ideas to her, she became so receptive to them that I had difficulty concentrating on my ordinary daily activities. I craved the arousal she stirred up in me each time we spoke on the phone. And it became clear that this girl had an insatiable desire to worship me.
How could I possibly keep that from her?
~:~
The drive gave me a long time to think of what I really wanted to do the moment I finally arrived. A kiss. Many things had flown through my mind, but a kiss alone would satisfy me like nothing else would.
She hesitated. She could hardly contain her excitement as she watched me step out of the car and turn to face her. I immediately took a step forward towards her, and kissed her. As an involuntary giggle slipped out, I captured it forever between the magical touch of our lips.
It was a natural step to touch her face with my fingers in the kiss, so I did. That night it was also natural for me to wrap my free arm totally around her above her shoulders in a controlling embrace, and then glide my touch from her face to her chin, to her neck, fingers spreading to surround her throat, holding her there for a heartbeat.
I did not release this hot kiss. I sensed her excitement rising and would not allow her to cool down at all. Instead, I tightened my hold of her shoulders and head, while my other hand moved down the fabric of her blouse to the full round shape of her breasts, first one, then the other.
At first I allowed her hands to find my face and hair during this passionate kiss. And eventually her hands were on my back embracing me. But as I groped her huge mounds with one hand, I turned enough to grasp her wrist from behind my back and pushed it down to the front between my legs. And as if to have been waiting for the invitation, she found my bulge and worked it into a defined hardness.
At this point I released the kiss for a long needed breath of air, and to tell her my first rule. “I expect to be hard like this all weekend long, and it is your job to make sure this happens. Is this clear, girl?”
I fixed a stare at her eyes, which were now taking in their first vision of what she had been rubbing. She looked up at me and answered, “Yes.”
I did not move, nor did I change my gaze, waiting. She reduced her smile as she muttered her forgotten word, “… Sir.”
“Good girl,” I said, and broke slowly into a warm smile, which, when she heard me and noticed my expression, sparked a renewed excitement in her and visibly transformed her into what would become the transparent emotional being I had desired to possess.
~:~
Originally, my expectations were quite different, but certainly not alien to the world being created at this moment with this girl. Originally, I planned to meet in person only if and when she understood in advance of my arrival how to perform some of the required actions I intended to teach her. I imagined a more formal ritual, taking place at our initial meeting. During my days of inexperience, I imagined a girl meeting me at her door and, upon my entrance, immediately sinking to her knees and diligently kissing my imaginary boots, until I finally give her my first commands, whatever they might be.
The difference with reality is the intensity of the feelings that surface in the presence of human flesh. Intense emotions that can never be imagined or predicted, arousal that even the most vivid dream would miss entirely.
In reality, a voice will bring arousal. As time went on, I had experienced fresh, erotic feelings, simply from phone calls with the girl I had met only days before. Our conversations had developed into a verbal experiment of sensual fantasies and articulated desires.
A fantasy coming to life is as fulfilling as its participants allow it to become. I allowed things to play out as naturally as possible, beginning with our first kiss. Everything progressed naturally from there.
A year before I met my slave (precious), I had discovered how important the Lifestyle would be for me. And because I was only beginning to learn about the lifestyle, and what my role could possibly be in it, all of my time was spent online. I met My precious on line, in a virtual world called Second Life. She was the smartest of any of the girls I had been “talking” to, and we grew together. I introduced her to her submissive side, and I felt fully comfortable accepting her eventual submission to me as my slave.
When I met my slave, I created a profile on FetLife and claimed that I was doing very well in a 24/7, TPE, Master/slave relationship that is also a long distance one. However, we only communicate via our computers, and have never met in person. We have maintained contact using internet chat and voice, essentially all day, and every day since we met, but we naturally wish our physical circumstances were much more favorable. Our intimacy was enjoyed in our vivid imaginations and it challenged our skills of communication between us.
However, I found it difficult to discuss that having my physical needs met was crucial to my being a healthy Dom. I initially did not hide, but instead tried to be frank and candid with my precious slave. Although I remained honest about my personal physical needs with her at that time, I feel as though the issue remained wholly unresolved and hidden since then. It was easier to enjoy My precious while we were together (on-line, as usual), than it was to create disruption by discussing something that couldn’t be resolved without hurting her. She had stated her understanding of my needs, but I believe she did not accept that I would seek to meet them without her. Of course this hurt her, and it brought into question feelings that could jeopardize any relationship beyond repair: issues of trust, and commitment. Sadly, I believe that hurting her was totally unavoidable. I felt that hiding these feelings damaged our relationship, yet I would not allow a discussion about them disrupt the wonderful experiences we had together every day.
Separately, through email and chat beginning a year ago, I met a girl who I already knew from back when we were kids. I grew close to her, because I was teaching her to discover her submissive side as well. She eventually (and more recently) became My babygirl. The time I spent with babygirl in chat changed quickly to phone, and then within a few months, became plans for a weekend visit to her home, when I decided to drive six hours to see her. I think the pace was not so surprising, mainly because of my eighteen month personal dry spell, and the question became only for what distance was I willing to drive to end the drought. Details of our time together and the experiences we both had are insanely hot. Any significant bumps along the way had primarily to do with my dedication to being the owner of my precious slave, and the conflicted feelings I had about my physical needs and desires, versus feelings of faithfulness to My precious.
The purpose of writing this now, is to be honest with myself, and provide myself with some self respect. I believe I can save and heal the relationship I have with My precious in England, and I can nurture it. And also nurture the relationship I have with My babygirl at the same time. This is something I have struggled with ever since meeting My babygirl. I had no idea how either relationship would grow, and hoped for the best. Separately, each relationship on its own has grown to be very desirable today. But together, this has complicated my life and also theirs. I owe it to all three of us to be honest and straightforward as much as possible, and as quickly as possible.
Now, I need to find a way to put the pieces together in a healthier way. I need to come clean with My precious, even though she might get hurt. I believe that we can thrive someday soon, even though things are quite messy for us today. It will take a great deal of care and sensitivity on my part, and a great deal of forgiveness on hers. I can not deny my own needs just for her, by committing to abstain from intimacy with My babygirl, or anyone else. I refuse abstinence – is that selfish of me? Or is it selfish of her to insist upon establishing a commitment between us, that I abstain from intimacy until we finally meet in person? Without making selfishness the issue, I believe it is more selfish trying to control the activities of another person, than for that person to refuse to be controlled.
This weekend I went to a barbecue and met some people who are members of FetLife, and to whom I can connect through FetLife and can enjoy getting to know them. If she looks, My precious will easily find them within my profile friends. She will easily look to see that they are within the same geographic area, and that I met many during the same weekend. And so she will identify the activities I have been reluctant to tell her about.
The profile in FetLife remains to this day, showing that I am Master to My precious slave. But I am at a turning point, now, because I have met people in person, who are also in FetLife, and I would like to make the connections with them in this network. I need to do something, because I have sheltered My precious from elements that would make her sad. For example, imagining her Master with someone else in a Dom/sub relationship of any kind, would hurt her, and she has been hurt by this in the past. Unfortunately, I can not protect her from this hurt any longer. The long distance relationship is no longer something that will hide the activities that I do without her. I need to be honest with her and with Myself.
Ladies, please be aware of this board member or handle : “Bravotoosero, Kl505, OnePanther, Panther1, Bravo115, Bravo
I did an out call to his hotel in Los Angles CA. He did not want to render the payment for the services and taken my clothes and threw them into the hallway of the hotel and threaten me he would call the police.
