The traditional new year musings

Here we are at the end of 2009, or here I am anyway – dunno where/when you’ll be when you read this but I hope it’s all good.  Time now to do the Janus thing & take a look at the passing and incoming years…

Things I’ve enjoyed in 2009:

• My work, both writing and modelling.
• My friends and family, who I often ignore but do love very much.
• Some decent films – Law Abiding Citizen was one of my favourites, and District 9 was highly engaging for such a simple narrative.  Avatar was fairly unoriginal but very nice to look at.  Gamer was much less brainless than expected and quite entertaining.  Watchmen was good as a film, though lacking some of the depth of the graphic novel.  (And Adz the Russian still hasn’t got over the sight of Dr Manhattan’s giant blue penis.)
• Music in all its forms.  There’s too much to list.
• Making a brief foray into burlesque dancing, only to get pregnant a couple of weeks after my first show.

Things I’ve disliked in 2009:

• Losing my old job, though my self-employed work now is much more rewarding & less stressful.
• Arguments, of which I have had many.
• Some terrible films – Wolverine (blandly rolling around in its own mediocrity; why introduce Deadpool, only to make such poor use of him?  Though apparently there’s plans to give Deadpool his own movie…), Paranormal Activity (no, looking like camcorder footage doesn’t make it any scarier when fuck all much happens),  and Drag Me To Hell (wtf happened to the horror-comedy genius that was Sam Raimi?).  And a special mention for 2012, which was not only scientifically dodgy as fuck, but also managed to be dull and repetitive (oh no! drive this vehicle while buildings fall down and the road drops away behind us! again!) and ridiculously over-long.
• Not having enough time to read lots of books. 

Hopes, fears and predictions for 2010:

• Giving birth to my first (and only) child.  At home.  I’m terrified and excited in equal measure, and I expect the balance to tip in favour of terrified as the due date approaches.
• Maternity leave.  No doubt money will be in short supply, but I’m looking forward to it nonetheless.
• More writing, more modelling, more work that’s personally (and financially) fulfilling.
• A holiday, if we can manage it.
• Making my own fetish clothing & accessories, starting with some fetish maternity clothes.  I’ll show you when they’re done.
• Global climate recovery policies – we need them.  I feel shame that I haven’t wasted less and recycled more this year.
• Hair dye – oh, how I’ve missed you.  Pregnant hair is unpredictable, so I’ve been laying off the bleach & krazy kolor.  It’ll be good to have my bright hair back again soon.  In the meantime, wash-out reds will have to do.
• More bdsm play.  I have so much wicked stuff to play with, I don’t want to leave it sitting in the cupboard for months at a time next year…
• And finally, “world peace”.  I don’t believe it’s possible or even healthy, but it sounds nice.

Have a lovely New Year’s Eve, wherever you are, and do what you can with the new year.  Maybe it’ll be your best yet.

Machivelli Id by Mike Crawley, edited by Michelle Strottner and Machiavelli Id

[Via http://machiavelliid.wordpress.com]

The Return Of dear subbie...

I enjoyed sessioning my dear subbie last night. It has been several months since dear subbie has come/cum to me to enjoy an hour of serving this Mistress. You see, dear subbie is one of those rare few that truly are meant to serve a Dominant Woman.

Our Dominant/submissive roles just flow so smoothly and easily when we session…and last night was evident that it is a good match.

Dear subbie arrived right on time…a few minutes early but tended to parking his car and preparing to enter this Mistress’ lair…I didn’t want dear subbie to catch a chill so I had him come right on into the house before disrobing. I turned up the furnace when I got home from work so that the house was nice and toasty and conducive to running around naked. I wanted dear subbie completely naked before me to use as I desired…and I did just that…

I had dear subbie strip off his clothes right there in the living room. I got right to inspecting my “property” and enjoyed watching him shiver and moan as I touched him and ran my fingers and hands all over his bare skin…I covered dear subbie’s head with my full bondage hood, which also served to keep dear subbie’s bald head covered and warmed…his body was soon warmed as well…as I said, I didn’t want dear subbie to catch a chill while serving his diabolical Mistress!!!

I realize now that I didn’t take time to put dear subbie across my lap and give him a good paddling for being gone so long from this Mistress…note to self, make sure dear subbie gets the paddling of his life next visit!!!

I did, however, place a good smack with my leather paddle that puts the imprint of “BITCH” on each of dear subbie’s ass cheeks!!

Such a sight to see!!! A light red “BITCH” came up on each of dear subbie’s ass cheeks…I was quite delighted with my work!!

I wanted to see how “open” dear subbie’s man-pussy would be after going several months without training…it my delight, dear subbie’s man-pussy was quite receptive of the invasion of my finger…then two-fingers…then my blue dildo…I was, to say the least, quite pleased with dear subbie’s man-pussy and how quickly it opened up when Mistress began her play…

It didn’t take long for me to have dear subbie begging this Mistress to fuck his man-pussy, give it to him…and give it to him I did…I then put my strap-on dildo device on and proceeded to rub the head of that rubber cock on the tight little rosebud of dear subbie’s man-pussy…even going so far as to get the condom-covered head of this particular dildo inserted to the rim of the head into dear subbie’s man pussy…I loved pressing my body into dear subbie’s back and ass…fucking dear subbie, if you will!!!!

Our naughty, nasty fun flowed and after I had dear subbie get down on the floor on his knees and pay homage to my rubber dildo by sucking on the head sans the condom, I was ready to take dear subbie back to my bed and further sensually torture dear subbie…

I led dear subbie by the hard cock back to my bedroom…and then placed him in the center of my king-sized bed…I chained him securely to the four corners of the bed and proceeded to do as I pleased with his naked, bound body…and use him for my amusement and sexual pleasure I did…I was so hot and wet, nothing turns me on more than having a man chained spread-eagle to my bed, helpless to get away from my touch, my stroking of his cock…I took a smaller vibrator, covered it with a condom and stuck it in dear subbie’s man-pussy…he writhed and wiggled as I turned the power up on it…then I set to stroking his cock and rubbing my naked body all over him…

I couldn’t stand it any longer, I decided it was time for dear subbie to lick my pussy. I straddled his face and commanded him to lick and lick he did…he only once licked my pussy too hard and a slap of my hand on his hard cock got his attention and he eased off…it had been too long since Mistress had experienced the delightful ministrations of dear subbie’s wicked tongue…it felt so good, so hot and exciting…

It didn’t take Mistress long to give in to her own orgasm and I came with such a shudder and spasms…I rolled over to the side of dear subbie until the waves of ecstasy subsided a bit, then decided it was time for Mistress to ride dear subbie’s hard cock…and ride dear subbie I did!!!!

I released dear subbie’s chain bonds and got right to building to my next orgasm…I could feel my juices running down dear subbie’s cock and onto his balls and down his ass crack…I then commanded dear subbie that I wanted him to fuck me, so I got off of him, basically traded places with him and had him get on me while I laid on my back and fuck me good…it didn’t take dear subbie long to ask permission to cum…permission granted!!!! And cum dear subbie did!!!!

Yes, it was a wonderful session…it was good to have dear subbie to session again…I hope dear subbie won’t go so long between sessions from now on…though I have pointed out to dear subbie that I am a patient Mistress.

[Via http://thematuresexgoddess.wordpress.com]

Bored

i’m bored.

*taps fingers on the desk and sighs*

i took down and put away all of the Christmas/Yule decorations, potted a plant, cleaned off that catch-all that we call a kitchen table, cleaned my desk, went through my paperwork, put my daughter’s presents into her room, let the dogs out, fed the cats, took out the garbage, made coffee, and now i’m bored.

i usually like this time in the morning.  Alderon is still sleeping, my daughter left early to go to her father’s for the holiday, the house is quiet.

But i am still restless.

i was hoping to get into town today to pick up a few things that i need.  i wanted to pick up a bucket for kaya’s laundry soap along with a few other things.  i can’t do that until Alderon wakes up.  He doesn’t get many chances to sleep in though, so i wouldn’t dare wake Him.

So what do you think of the conviction of that Virginia man who was naked in his own home?  Give me a break!!  i watched the video, and now i’m even more on the man’s side.  i’m naked whenever i can be.  Granted i’m self concious of vanilla people seeing me still and i close all the window blinds so as not to offend them.  That could just as easily been me being criminally convicted.  Knowing this area, i would have also been sent off to the loney bin because i find it sexually arousing to also be beat.  *sighs*

Whatever happen to respect for the human body?  Why do we all have to be ashamed and hide it?  We are supposed to love each other for what’s inside, not the wrappings – or is that not what our parents tell us as we grow up?  He wasn’t doing anything except walking around his house, enjoying his morning cup of coffee.  i bet it wouldn’t have been a problem if someone that society deemed to be a super-hunk was the one walking around.  Who is the going super-hunk of the day anyway?

But the average Joe or Jill – they must cover up!  Who gives a damn about their rights in their own homes!  i say that people shouldn’t be staring in the windows of others anyway. 

*stepping down off of the soap box for now*

i wonder if Alderon is going to want breakfast/lunch right away.  He usually says that it’s too early to eat when He first gets up.  That’s really difficult though because i am very hungry at the moment.  i wonder if i put some hot tea in my stomach it will help.  While i was waiting to see what He wanted to eat last night, He decided to just make Himself something.  i wasn’t sure if that meant that He didn’t want me to eat that late at night (that has been an issue at least once), or if He just didn’t care on way or another.  i don’t really want to go through all that again.

Well, i’m off to find something to do.  And make tea.  And let the dogs in.  And let the cat out.  And i’m sure something else will come to mind.

[Via http://niyamaiu.wordpress.com]

Sub Frenzy

This is without a doubt the best article on sub frenzy I’ve ever come across.  Doms should be aware of this tendency, particularly in newbie subs, and follow the recommendations below in order to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

========================================

Submissive Frenzies

By Mistress Steel (steelbfl@sonic.net)

Submissive Frenzies are a state or condition that many if not all submissives will experience at one time or another. Many aspects of BDSM are similar to addictions in how they play out in the mind. From that perspective the Frenzies can be considered to be the ‘withdrawal’ stage. The peculiar thing about this is that a submissive need not ever have engaged in a real life D/s BDSM experience to actually go into this state of need. Generally the very first experience a submissive will have will be prior to ever engaging in a real life D/s event. Many submissives can chronicle a ‘longing’ or unspecified ‘need’ which may have begun when they were quite little. This sensation was always present though generally unacknowledged or openly reviewed. In many cases the submissive was not able to identify the source of this sensation. It simply made them restless and on occasion subject to frustrated outbursts.

With the ‘finding’ of the D/s BDSM community many submissives feel a corresponding ’surge’ of excitement. Suddenly they sense or feel that this is the source. The realization or identification of this can be both positive and negative. For many there is a period of denial, anger, repugnance, fear, hesitation, temerity and hope. All of these emotions seem to occur simultaneously leaving behind confusion and anxiety. All at once they begin to ’sort’ the events and motivations that have occurred over their entire lives. Seeing the patterns, the hints, the presence of their desires in so many different ways. It explains previous unexplainable actions they may have taken and views the actions of themselves and others from an entirely different standpoint. As they begin to process all of this new information they become fully aware that the source of all those supressed needs and desires is attainable. Not only that but in a fairly accessible in a timely manner.

What occurs next is a mad dash or race toward ‘finding’ that special person who can attend to those so long unattended needs coupled to a desperate desire to gather more and more information. This often triggers or propels the initiation of a state of frenzy. This is an increasing and progressive sensation of ‘need’. Fairly quickly the submissive may discover that ‘getting their fix’, becomes supremely important in their lives. It can leave them irrational, willing to make poor decisions, rash, impulsive and generally stupid. A submissive in a frenzied state is at their most vulnerable to succumbing to the ploys of those less than admirable. They may become easily enthralled, believe themselves ‘in love’, willing to give over anything (almost literally) in order to fill that enormous void in their life.

Contact with a Dominant, almost any kind will tend to rivet their attention. The very first gift that the submissive gives away here is their common sense. The sensations piggyback, by this I mean that the submissive upon discovering the community and all the excitement and feelings surrounding ‘finding their home’, may easily pile on their ‘desire’ for completion and pounce on the first candidate that comes along as being ‘the one’. They invest everything, believe everything and leap at the opportunity. Too often they discover they have grabbed at a tin ring instead of a brass one, they have some sort of nasty or unpleasant experience and step back trying to discover what is wrong in their new world.

In addition, a submissive who has detached from their Dominant will slowly but surely go into a state of need. This is in my opinion a naturally occurring state by which the submissive projects their availability and desire for a new mate. I should also mention that the experiences within the relationship are in many ways addictive. The state of natural euphoria that a submissive may experience during a scene can set off a hunger to experience that again. This is identical to the introduction of any addictive drug chemistries into the body, the same symptomology in many ways.

A submissive in a pre-frenzy need state will often become very alluring, flattering, flexible. They will mirror the apparent ‘needs’ of the Dominant they are talking to in order to appear to be the perfect candidate for a future alliance. Though the submissives in general do not tend to lie here, many only present partial truth’s. One said to me, “you have to ask me the right question”. This leads to multiple problems including a submissive attaching to a Dominant that is completely unsuitable for them.

As I noted earlier this state of frenzy can occur at any point in a submissive’s life and is not limited to the new submissive. In fact, it occurs sometimes even stronger in more seasoned submissives. They have a need that they recognize as perhaps to ‘have their edges taken off’, and they know exactly how that can be done through their own experience. The difference is that the older submissive can then ‘evaluate’ what part of their need is pressing upon them. Many then learn to go to a Dominant they are not bonded to and ask this person they trust (often as a good friend) to relieve their physical need (play). Many Dominant’s (experienced ones) will be willing to assist or aide their friend knowing that keeping the submissives edges down will allow that submissive to retain the majority of their rational functions while they are seeking their next mate. This action ‘reduces’ the submissives vulnerability.

From a Dominant’s standpoint it is preferable to discourse with a submissive who is in their best condition. It is very important for the Dominant to learn to recognize the symptoms of frenzy and allow for the premise that the submissive’s judgment may be impaired when speaking with them. This allowance should propel detailed questions. Also the Dominant should give ‘few’ hints as to what they may be looking for. In this way the submissive is more likely to reveal themselves as they do not have a guide to go on. By this I mean that the Dominant should take control and ask what the submissive is looking for instead of offering or directing the submissives attention as to what the Dominant is seeking. In this way the Dominant can generally get a clearer picture of where that submissive is in truth. In addition I believe that the Dominant should not allow the submissive to thrust their ’submissiveness’ at them, instead they should require the submissive to respond to them in neutral or top space as an equal from one human to another. This means that allowing a submissive to use an honorific title when addressing the Dominant should be something that submissive should earn the right to do after a period of time. In example . . . I am not every submissive’s Mistress. The right to call me Mistress is something in my real life that I grant seldom and means that this submissive is special to me.

By taking this action the Dominant forces the submissive into a less vulnerable state when conversing with them. Somewhat like drinking coffee to wake someone up. It is also saying that submission is something I (as the Dominant) may allow you to present to me. It is not something I will allow you (as the submissive) to force upon me.

All Rights Reserved By Mistress Steel

comments or e-mail steelbfl@sonic.net

other articles can be found at www.steel-door.com

[Via http://kinkylittlegirl.wordpress.com]

Dominants Coming Through on Their Word

@Xinergy said on Fetlife:

The Dominant failing to come through with what they say they are going to do is devastating to the submissive. The submissive is in this lifestyle because they need that comfort and safety. They need to believe that if the Dominant says something, it will happen. Without that certainty and trust, how can he or she sink into subspace while chained to something being beaten?

It is indeed completely devastating, particularly when the promises broken are as fundamental as repeatedly violating limits, not respecting her health and safety above his own needs and desires, etc.

It doesn’t matter what else the dominant does in the rest of life, how good he is about his word in other matters both in the relationship and elsewhere, no matter how many other wonderful qualities he has. If he does not scrupulously respect his sub’s limits and boundaries, and remember and honor both the letter and the spirit of relationship-level agreements, he will lose both the trust and the respect of his submissive.

While I don’t think that “need [for] that comfort and safety” is necessarily the reason we are in this (certainly not for everyone), we do in fact absolutely need it to be present, or there’s no possibility of being able to submit to the dominant at any level, whether in play or every day life.

If the dominant then blames the submissive for “making” him not feel domly when she insists on having her limits respected (as any healthy submissive both will and should), then he has indeed completely lost the game, because all that does is hand his own power over completely to her. How can you possibly submit in any way at all to someone who has just put all of his own power and even control of his own sense of himself into your own hands? Alas, it is absolutely impossible, because there’s nothing there to submit to at that point.

If you don’t feel like your submissive trusts you or isn’t being as submissive as you would like (or less so than she was originally), take a good hard look first at your own behavior and how you yourself have likely set that up, because I promise you, that’s where it starts. We are not the ones to start that ball in motion, because that’s not at all where we want to be.

We go into this wanting to trust, expecting to be able to trust and have that trust we place in you held sacred, indeed already trusting up front that you will take care of us in these most fundamental of ways. If you behave in ways that reinforce that trust, it will grow and the relationship will deepen. If, however, your behavior undermines it instead, you will lose it, especially if it turns out to be a pattern.

Oh, and subs, if you see a pattern like this developing, don’t waste your own time hoping it will change. It won’t. It will only get worse over time. Believe your own eyes and feelings; don’t try to make excuses for him and justify it. Bite the bullet and pull the plug on the relationship yourself before it gets out of hand, no matter how many other good qualities the guy has, no matter how good it seems otherwise.

Because a man who will not respect your most fundamental limits and your needs for safety in the way that you need it to be shown, is not the good person he would like to be seen as, and it simply will not change, at least not in time to make a difference in your relationship with him.

I know.  I spent two years making excuses for my ex, both to myself and to others, working my ass off to accommodate him and to find excuses for his bad behavior, while he violated my limits repeatedly, throughout the whole relationship.  If it wasn’t one thing, it was another, or a variation on yet a different theme.  He injured me fairly badly several times, and not only would not take any responsibility for the injuries, or show even the slightest sympathy, nor take care of me by doing things like getting me an ice pack, but he also never even soi much as apologized, even the one time I am absolutely certain it was an accident and completely unpredictable.  He would even get angry when I’d have an asthma attack while we were playing, and accuse me of faking it to get out of playing.  Eventually, he got to where he’d at least get me my inhaler and leave me alone after an attack, but it was clear that he almost never believed I was actually in trouble.  He also never got it that when they were caused by the clothing he insisted I wear (even after I told him straight out that it would cause me difficulty breathing and to go int an asthma attack.

It would look like it would get better for a while, but then we’d be back into the same old cycle, and it just kept getting worse.  At first, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world, and had found the world’s best guy.  We could have had it all – if he had just been willing to respect my limits, and not behave like a petulant child when he didn’t get what he wanted because I got sick, had an asthma attack, couldn’t physically or emotionally handle something he dished out, etc., and then worse still, blame it all on me.  For a long time, I thought he was a good guy in spite of all of this kind of crap, in spite of my growing unhappiness.

But the reality is that a really good guy won’t take care of you in some areas of life and then completely destroy you repeatedly in another, particularly in one in which you are the most vulnerable, and the most in need of being able to be certain that he holds your safety as sacred.

@Master_Defiant said:

…a dom who is not “capable or willing” to admit to their mistakes. Those guys are not doms, they are wannabe domasses, and there are a lot of them around.

All too many of them, I’m afraid. They give the whole lot a bad name, hurt a lot of people, and turn a lot off to BDSM altogether…

The really sad part is that nothing will actually build trust faster than a dom who both can and will admit to his mistakes – and learn from them, making sure to not repeat them again.

And nothing will destroy it faster than refusing to do so…

[Via http://kinkylittlegirl.wordpress.com]

The Fracture Point (Crap, I'm Broken)

The fracture point for me is when (often after a scene or cucking- not during) something that was said or done kind of bounces around in my head like a ping pong ball until FINALLY it knocks off of a sensitive piece of grey matter.  I am struck by abject terror, panic, pain, dread and sometimes anger.  I become literally and figuratively immobilized.  I tend to just sit and stare- I can’t move or talk.  Then the tears come and feeling of wishing I didn’t exist.  The tears tend to pass quickly and with them, most of the really scary feelings.  For us, this is always the goal… however, it is seldom acheived when playing, as we would prefer.  If it occurs before orgasm, it feels so fucking incredible.  If it occurs after, it is a more mixed bag.

Today, I reached the fracture point for the first time in awhile.  We’d been trying and trying but hadn’t hit the right nerves.  If I knew where those nerves were I would gladly direct Master & Ma’am to them, but alas, I don’t.  I honestly think the sneaky bastards regularly move around, duck and weave and try to avert detection.

[Via http://cuckqueanslavery.wordpress.com]

Sphinxes

My final in Eros. Currently hanging in the Aphrodisiac show in the Meyerhoff.

8×22. Click image to see the full size.

I’m still amazed sometimes when I talk to girls about feeling alienated in our culture, because my desires as a heterosexual female are not considered important, and they tell me “well, have you ever considered that straight girls like to look at other women?”

Fine. Girls are pretty. I get it. But do they answer my deepest needs as a sexual being? No. Not even close. Do those words ring hollow when it’s a fact of life that images of women surround us and far outnumber the images of men ? Yes.

Blatantly sexualized men are considered homoerotic. That means that the intended audience is other men. And because of this, no matter how sexy that image might be, it never the less consistently reminds women who look that they are irrelevant, obsolete.

What is truly obsolete are straight female artists painting images of sexy ladies as if they were doing anything besides buying into a male fantasy that is so pervasive that they have CONVINCED THEMSELVES that this is what turns them on, that they would rather look at this than images of men.

I intend to paint images that turn me on—I have a rich fantasy life that in no way is accurately reflected by the advertising/publishing industry (if you want proof, go to the romance novel section and compare how many men are featured on the covers vs. women. I think you’ll find a lot of sexy lady backs, thighs, and heaving busts…and a dearth of sexy man hands, chests, backs, and hips). Because of this, I get the sense that what I like is not normal. I am alienated, dehumanized. I am expected to buy things because supposedly all women are sexually fluid enough to either be turned on by other women, or put themselves in the place of aroused women in adverts. That’s like seriously expecting a straight guy to get turned on because he sees another man masturebating. In our culture, the former is the normal, expected, acceptable course of things, the latter is clearly defined as homosexual.

I know its scary for men to be objectified. Women have long held the sole claim to that role. It makes you vulnerable and strips away your agency. But objectification, sexualization, can be fun and healing. We are sexual, visual creatures. It is when we say that only one group of people can and should have their desires catered to, or even have desires at all, that sexual violence and oppression are created.

So, ladies, look deep inside yourselves and stop apologizing for liking what you like. Stop being embarassed that you like men, the supposedly rougher, uglier sex (as if—Gary Sinise, David Bowie, and Burn Gorman are hardly otherworldly exceptions to their gender). And if you have the time and inclination, indulge these fantasies by expressing them in some public way. The most empowering thing a woman can do is say, unapologetically, “I choose this; I want this.”

[Via http://celineloupillustration.net]

Welcome!!!

Hi!  I am Jenn, and I am a slave and cuckquean in a bdsm, polyamorous relationship.  I have both a Master (his name is Steve) and a Mistress (her name is Heidi).  They are twins, and the three of us enjoy a wonderful, exciting, terrifying, and sometimes completely insane day to day life, relationship, and friendship.  Please view my profile bio for more basic info about us or check out the appropriate pages located to the right on your screen.  I intend to post quite alot, and the twins will be posting occasionally.  This is some very intense, sometimes heart wrenching, sometimes alluring, and often arousal inspiring material that we will be sharing with you all.  While it may seem fantastical at times, I assure you that there are no mere lies or fantasies told in this blog.  This is real and this is our life.  Please be respectful of that.  Comments are welcome, but must first be moderated.  We are all very happy that you wish to follow us on our journey through agony, despair, desire, ecstasy, exhileration, fear, humiliation, dominance, submission, and many more quite extreme states of being.

[Via http://cuckqueanslavery.wordpress.com]

Mr. Jetton, We Are Not Your Human Shield

There’s little that makes me more viscerally angry than when an abuser uses the BDSM community as cover. We haven’t worked for decades to have some modicum of peace with the mainstream and freedom to do what we do just so the same assholes and rapists can do the same abusing and raping they’ve always done and then point to us like we’re a fucking permission slip.

Rod Jetton needs to go to jail.

He’s the former Missouri Speaker of the House. He’s single. He arranged to play with a woman. They had some wine. They arranged a safeword. But then something happened that, assuming the accuracy of the account (and I believe it) is not remotely dabatable.

He poured her a glass in the kitchen and then sat down with her to watch a football game. She noticed herself feeling hazy and felt like she was nodding off. Next thing she knew, she was on the floor and Jetton was allegedly choking her. She says he then hit her so hard she lost consciousness. He apparently stayed over and was all tender to her in the morning. “You should have said green balloons,” she quotes him as saying.

If he drugged her drink, the safeword is irrelevant. He has deliberately defeated her ability to use it. If he didn’t, he’s a highly unethical top. Even if we accept playing with a bottom he didn’t know well who had a few drinks as acceptable conduct — and I don’t, but arguendo — under those circumstances, it’s his heightened duty to make sure she’s fully mentally present during the scene. If he knows they have a safeword, and he knows she’s been drinking, he knows her access to the safeword is impaired, and he’s on notice. He has a responsibility to his bottom.

If it’s not intentional rape and abuse, it’s recklessness; I’m using that term in its technical, legal sense — a state between gross negligence and intent; a state encompassing disregarding a known risk.

On my account, there’s no defense other than that the facts are completely different. And, in a case involving BDSM, I’m going to go ahead and say that the prosecutors are god damned fucking sure they believe every god damned fucking word she said, because they know it’s an uphill battle.

I need a silver lining, and if you feel the way I do, you do too. Here it is: They brought the case. He picked an easy target, a woman he was almost certainly sure would have no redress. She did all the things that victim blamers use against women. She’s kinky. She arranged for sex with a man that, as far as I can tell, she didn’t know well. She was drinking. But she said what happened to her; and the prosecutors believed it and set out to vindicate her rights. They put the myths and blaming to one side and pursued justice.

Of course, there could be more dark clouds coming. As we all know, just because a woman did nothing wrong, just because a man admits he used force, just because a prosecutor believes the complainant’s story and gets an indictment, does not mean that a jury will do the right thing. They may decide to punish her for being the sort of woman they don’t approve of.

And about the survivor: I’ll never meet her and I may never know her name. But she does what it is that we do. She’s my friend and my sister, however far away. I wish her recovery and peace.

H/t Zuzu.

[Via http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com]

72 - Dreams

It’s five o’clock. I lie awake in bed

And lay out in the dark my clever maps

That lead me to your door, and think perhaps

Today should be the day you hurt instead.

I polish up the weapons in my head -

Make sure they’re sharp, examine all my traps:

And dream of how your life could soon collapse

And everything you love be left for dead.

As daylight comes, the images disperse

(I am a weathercock that spins about)

But every night they keep on getting worse:

Oh, it’ll come to nothing, I’ve no doubt -

Except I’ve noticed this: with you as nurse

Dreams often have a way of working out.

[Via http://jnescio.wordpress.com]

I Too Are An Internets Dominate

Ok, this shouldn’t take too long.  Pay attention. There will be a quiz at the end.

I see a fairly common statement made by D-types out on the internets, and I feel compelled to say something. If you have made this mistake, please take note of what I am about to tell you and correct yourself in the future.  It is important.  And this has to be stopped before someone gets hurt. Probably you if you do this.

I see people saying the following all across the internets:

I am a dominate with years of experience.

No. Your not.  If you had years of experience, you would know that what you are is a Dominant. Not dominate. Dominate is what you do, Dominant is what you are.

Lets check the dictionary.

dominate

One entry found.

Main Entry: dom·i·nate

Pronunciation: \ˈdä-mə-ˌnāt\

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): dom·i·nat·ed; dom·i·nat·ing

Etymology: Latin dominatus, past participle of dominari, from dominus master; akin to Latin domus house — more at dome

Date: 1611

transitive verb 1 : rule, control

2 : to exert the supreme determining or guiding influence on

3 : to overlook from a superior elevation or command because of superior height or position

4 a : to be predominant in b : to have a commanding or preeminent place or position in intransitive verb 1 : to have or exert mastery, control, or preeminence

2 : to occupy a more elevated or superior position

dominant

2 entries found.

1. 1dominant (adjective)

2. 2dominant (noun)

Main Entry: 1 dom·i·nant

Pronunciation: \-nənt\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin dominant-, dominans, present participle of dominari

Date: circa 1532

1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others

b : very important, powerful, or successful

2 : overlooking and commanding from a superior position

3 : of, relating to, or exerting ecological or genetic dominance

Main Entry: 2 dominant

Function: noun

Date: 1819

1 : the fifth tone of a major or minor scale

2 a : a dominant genetic character or factor b : any of one or more kinds of organism (as a species) in an ecological community that exerts a controlling influence on the environment and thereby largely determines what other kinds of organisms are present c : a dominant individual in a social hierarchy

Ok. What did we learn?  Dominate is a verb. That means it is an action, maybe a  mode of being. I run, I dominate. I am not a run.  I am a runner. Dominate is the noun.  Please get it right.

That’s because, you see, we are getting together, the other dominants and I, and we are secretly laughing at you.  Ok, so sometimes it isn’t so secret. And the subs and slaves are with us (except for a few newbies we missed). And they are laughing too.  You should see the SAMS. It isn’t pretty.

Now for the Quiz.

1. What are you?

Peace and Tranquility.

MV

Yeah I know internets is wrong.  I like it.

Definitions are courtesy Merriam-Webster my preferred dictionary. No compensation was received for this use.

[Via http://houseofvoid.com]

Is Femdom Erotic Power Exchange A Culture?

Often the erotic power exchange community examines the gay community with a certain amount of envy, as a result of the fact the latter has achieved quite a bit when it comes to general understanding for and acknowledgment of different lifestyles. One of the questions, asked in this respect, is the one about being a culture yes or no.

There are other strategies to discover whether or not BDSM is a culture.

Behavior patterns

therefore the question is : are there such ideas, views and behavior patterns?

Different cultures

Other main differences are in the social behavior patterns. Especially gay men – within their community – aren’t only more open to different forms of sexuality, it is also very common to act out preferences in a nearly more or less public environment such as gay bars and meeting places. Try acting out your heterosexual BDSM preferences in a public bar or in the local community center and you will have great Problems.

So yes, there ARE at least two different BDSM-cultures with their own patterns, behavior and general dynamics.

To determine if BDSM as such is a culture one system is to identify if the phenomena as such has any inlfuence in other social areas. This is a unfinished list of such influences.

* BDSM has a ( infrequently even quite significant ) influence in areas like fashion, pop music, flick industry and art.

* BDSM has its own media ( print and web )

* BDSM has its own places for gatherings ( clubs, the above facilities, groups, gatherings, munches )

* BDSM has its own organisations ( local, countrywide and some – like the NLA – even internationally )

* BDSM has its own ideas, some of which have also been accepted in or adopted by other areas

* BDSM is a cost-effective factor, in the forms of products like videos, toys, gear, more or less dedicated shops, media and art galleries, clothing and such and – wether we adore it or not – prostitution.

* BDSM is scientifically recognized as a phenomena of its own.

* BDSM is condemned by other groups, including some very influential ones.

* BDSM has lead to specific legislation to try a ban it in various states and regions.

* BDSM is the topic of political debates and decisionmaking.

Are there different cultures within hetero BDSM? I have a tendency to think there are at least two : Maledom/femsub and Femdom/malesub. However , there are some basic differences that in my viewpoint make them different ( mind you, I am not suggesting one is far better than the other, just different ). So where are these differences?

.If you need more info just visit my femdom live webcam site and get more infos !

[Via http://femdomwebcamlive.wordpress.com]

It's scary here in my head.

This is what I want: to be bound, to be chained, with no hope of escape, not as a victim, but as a captive beast, something dangerous and feral. I don’t want to be tied to ensure my helplessness, but to ensure your safety. I want to be brought to the point of frenzy, all the layers of humanity stripped from me until all that’s left is teeth and rage.

Yes. Hurt me. Beat me. Goad me into trying to rip your throat out with my teeth alone. The restraints will hold — you’d never be able to push me so far if they wouldn’t. Bring out all the things I’ve spent my entire life repressing, the things I’ve locked down tight because without those safeguards in place, I will hurt someone.

Be careful. I bite, and if you get me to the place I’m talking about, they won’t be gentle little love-bites. I’ll be out to draw blood, to bite off anything that gets in range.

Don’t expect human reasoning or human remorse. It’ll come back later, and if I’ve hurt you, that’s when I’ll blame myself, that’s when I’ll cry and stammer apologies and try to shake off the feeling that I’m deeply, fundamentally wrong, that rabid animals should be put down. But until that point, until later, when I’m calm, when the chains on my psyche replace the ones on my body, I’ll be out to hurt you in ways you really won’t enjoy.

The restraints will hold. Pray they do, I might say, but if you have any doubts, you have no business trying to pull the monster out from under my skin. Back away slowly — don’t turn your back, don’t run. Let me drag myself back to humanity, and I’ll never mention it again. We can play tamer games, where pain comes in carefully measured doses; where one of us will ask the other with all due concern if she’s all right, if she can take this, if she can reason and speak and signal compliance; where the loss of the human mind is a signal to stop, not a goal in itself. We can hold to the illusions of safety and sanity, and never look at the dark things living just behind my eyes.

But if you want to take me to that place, to drag me screaming into that mindset, then your job is simple. Bring me to frenzy, and let me wear myself out. Let the beast rage until it’s exhausted, until the craving for blood can be satisfied by flesh, by vast expanses of unbroken skin, until I’m too tired to care that the whimpers I’m hearing are from pleasure instead of pain.

You can touch me then, if you like. You can stroke my hair and run your hands along my spine. You can even let me loose, so long as you don’t also let your guard down, and I’ll put teeth and tongue to better purposes, lose myself in the smell and taste of you.

And when it’s done, I’ll curl against your side and sleep easily for once, and wake up human again, sane again… or as sane as I get.

Yes, that’s what I want.

I don’t expect to get it.

[Via http://trollopfop.wordpress.com]